She's JV to your varsity
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
