It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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