You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
