Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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