Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
and you fell through a lawn chair
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
