I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So squirting runs in the family.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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