so explain again why im purple
no
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
