at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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