I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she told me i tasted like america
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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