At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
