corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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