whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
