I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pants are for mortals
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
