Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
