I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
