She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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