dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
