Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
