his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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