I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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