At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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