Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
