but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
