Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
