I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We named our party play list daddy issues
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
