you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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