Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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