Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
