I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
