is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
