Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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