And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
