Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
