I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
