Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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