But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
