y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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