I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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