just come out here and I will go home with you...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
