Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
