Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
