I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
