just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
