FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
