Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
