I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I want is dick and wine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
