what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hippo gnu deer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
