i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
