Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
