I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
